V A V A Adventures

A story

Once upon a time, there was a woman who lived in Seattle with her partner and son. They lived in a lovely home, surrounded by much beauty and many friends. However, as the years rolled and it rained in Seattle every winter, they grew tired of its weather. Weary from the weather and longing for sunshine in the dark days of winter, the woman and her partner decided to migrate. They worked hard for many years to make their dream come true and finally they did it.

For some years they went to India, their homeland. Then, one year, they went to Ojai, CA, a tiny town 40 minutes from Santa Barbara. Not knowing what to expect, the couple took their 3 year old son and set out for Ojai in their maroon Volvo. They drove for 10 days, visiting friends along the way. At long last, they arrived in Ojai. Their first few days in Ojai seemed strange. They were used to a busy life, with many amenities and activities to fill their waking hours. In Ojai, everything was smaller and slower. They felt lost those first few days. They even felt sad. The little boy was especially sad at having left behind everything in the world that he knew to be his home. He longed for his friends, the lake and his room in Seattle.

Then, slowly, the three of them began to create a home for themselves in Ojai. They visited places that might feel familiar, like the local library, the natural food store, the farmer's market and even a preschool for the boy to go to. Gradually, their days began to take on a shape, a shape different from their days in Seattle but nonetheless, a shape they liked. Pink sunrises welcomed them every morning, sunshine warmed their bodies, the mountains beckoned them on long walks and hikes and they even began to make friends. The little boy visited a couple of schools and started going to one. The couple gradually settled into a doing their work, they reached out and connected with people.

Then, the holidays came. Their family visited. Now, the three of them felt even more at home in Ojai. While showing their visiting family around, they felt like natives of Ojai. As the new year began, their comfort and ease at being in Ojai took on a whole new level. As friends returned from holiday vacations and the little town filled up once again, the three found themselves wildly connecting with old friends and new. Their days filled up quickly with play, hikes, walks, sunshine, good food, laughter and vibrant learning. They soon began to forget that they once lived in Seattle. Well, almost. The little boy still missed Seattle very very much and everyday he would ask his parents when they were going to return.

Then, one morning, the couple realized that they were only 2 weeks away from returning to Seattle. A panic filled their hearts. As they checked the weather in Seattle, they felt such sorrow at the thought of leaving behind their blissfully sunny days in Ojai. They moped around a little. Their hearts grew heavy. But this did not last long. Their boy's cheers for returning to Seattle, bolstered their spirits. They began to accept their return. They decided to make the most of their time left. They met with friends, had many meals together with them, they made kites and flew them, and planned many long walks in the wilderness of the Ojai mountains.

This story doesn't have an end yet. The boy and his parents are still in Ojai. They are spending every one of their last days soaking in every last bit of Ojai that they possibly can. They are also reflecting on how they can take back in their hearts the ease, leisure, love and comfort they found in the simply life of Ojai. Clearly, they are very busy in their leisure. So let them be until they are back in Seattle and this story finds its end.

.....Adios for now. I may not write so regularly in these last 2 weeks of our Ojai migration. I need to let myself feel all I need to feel in this hard period of saying goodbye to a place that has come to occupy such a special place in my heart and my whole being.

Tag team

Bear with me for the lack of humility in this post ...

While the mid-day breaks continue, the rest of our day today was filled with work, meetings and of course, playing in the sunshine. Our work has also turned into play. While here in Ojai, away from some of the commitments that occupy us in Seattle, Vamshi and I have taken time to work on a new start-up (more details when the time is right). You know, we met while working together at Microsoft. But since then, our life has changed in many ways and now years later, we are working together again.

I think the years of building a life together and parenting a child might have honed our skills in some ways. We are building software once again but in a way that is so different from how we did it back at Microsoft. Leaving aside Word documents, specifications and meetings, now, we sit at the dining table chatting and getting work done. My specifications come in the form of sketches in a drawing book, pencil and paper work that Vamshi takes and codes to create a software product. I lean over to see how it looks on the screen and then change my sketches as needed. Back and forth, we tag team until we feel like its done. Its the only way we can make it happen in the midst of everything else that occupies us. Its not pure, and, so not like anything any business book would write about or any software development process would endorse but it is so us and it works.

Not bad, huh?

Not working on anything

This afternoon, I was struck by the question our server asked us towards the end of lunch, "are you still working on this or are you done?" Really, I was never "working on my lunch". I wonder how that phrase comes across in France? I cannot imagine the French calling a meal or any form of food consumption, "work." When did food become "work"?

Leaving aside my torturing of the English language and its usage in the United States, I was not working on anything during lunch. Far from it infact. I was enjoying an utterly delicious time with Vamshi and Vehd, taking a complete break from anything that might remotely resemble work. This is now becoming a ritual (if 2 days back-to-back does a ritual make). It was on Sunday that Vamshi suggested we start going out to lunch whenever we can; to soak in the sunshine some more, take a break in the middle of the day to hang out together (even more), to get to know the restaurants of Ojai, to savor our last 2 weeks here. How romantic! How utterly romantic! Far from work I'd say.

Yesterday, we went to the Ojai Valley Inn and Spa. Its a highly-rated resort that keeps its restaurants open to local public (even offering them a discount). The food is absolutely delicious, the ambience right on and the price, stunningly reasonable. I don't know how they do it but I am glad they do and I am hoping to go there many more times. Today, we went to the Italian Osteria Monte Grappa restaurant we have been eyeing for a while. Its a block off from the Farmers' Market and has great outdoor seating. The food was good and the prices a little high but the ambience was spot on. All in all, we had a good meal that we "cheered" to using corkscrew pasta, as seen in the photo. 

We can tell Vehd is really enjoying these mid-day outings. Why wouldn't he? He gets picked up from preschool at noon by two doting parents who take him out to a restaurant for a delicious meal. Really, we are all enjoying these meals. They are the perfect break right in the middle of the day, from ... I don't know what we need a break from .. ah, yes, work! So, I really hope we can drop this whole "are you done working" bit. Please ...

A whirl

These last few days have been a whirl -- a whirl of activity, a spiral through conversations, in and out of meeting so many people, up and around mountains.
It all started last Thursday with Bart's Books, a longstanding Ojai institution. Bart's is an outdoor bookstore and has been around in Ojai for a very long time. Even the outer walls of the store have shelves full of books. See the picture for information on how to pay for books when the store is closed. Talk about being based on an honor system. Speaking of which, it is not
uncommon to find in Ojai bags of fruits laid out on a street-side stand. You pay what is requested or what you feel like for whole bags of oranges, avocados or persimmons.

My visit to Bart's came in the midst of meeting many people -- friends of friends, the many someones of Ojai, connected to education or not, with young children or not, all just really friendly people. I literally spent all of Friday in and out of conversations with people. I visited a unique nature-based school called Grounded by Nature (school website coming when the facilitators and founders can peel themselves away from the important work of being with the children). Focused on exploring learning in connection with the natural world, the school has developed its own farm, it teaches permaculture practices as they relate to building the school's own site, explores a number of outdoor environments, teaches wilderness and survival skills and exposes the children to any number of outdoor activities including rock-climbing and surfing. The central premise of the school is to help children fluidly navigate the inner and outer worlds, remaining aware and responsive to what is outside them in relation to how it connects to what lies within. And, it does so while remaining responsive to the intellectual needs of learners.

That experience was followed by a weekend with my cousin, Shuchi seen here creating a flower arrangement with Vehd. We walked, talked, ate much food and went on a hike. In the midst of all that, I met John another friendly Ojai soul. John comes from Germany and is conducting some art research here. We went for a walk with him. As he described his experiences in Germany, we chanced upon his interactions with Jewish people. He paused to tell me how full of guilt he felt the first time he spoke to a Jew. He described how while his generation did not commit holocaust crimes, they live with the guilt. Its hard to shake it off. They just carry it within them. Its part of the culture. We contemplated this emotion together -- of guilt and how it stands like an unsaid wall between the Jews people and non-Jews of Germany. As long as non-Jews feel the guilt, they cannot intearct with Jews wholly. It was a touching conversation. I have such high regard for John's openness -- we had only just met. I look forward to seeing him soon.

The final whirl came in switch-backs and water pools of the Horn Canyon hike. My words cannot do justice to the stunningly beautiful trail. I'll just say that it was breath-taking and especially energizing as we spent a whole morning doing the hike with our friend Michael, Rowan and their 8-month old son Maxwell.

I am still catching my breath from the whirl of people, emotions, sensations, food and the moutains. I almost delayed writing this post so I could include more pictures but I couldn't hold out any longer so forgive me for the lack of pictorial description. More in the days to come.

An "Ojai" moment

It's happened again. We've identified another certified Ojai phenomenon. Second now in line, after the "Ojai look" and building on the more recent "Someones in Ojai". This one is so precious to me, I am giving it the esteemed title of the "Ojai moment". Here's how I came to christen it ...

Vehd and I were walking out of Oak Grove school where the chap is going to Winter camp this week. In the distance, we saw a woman sitting in her car, with the door open calling out to us. "Hi", she said. "Hi", I said. "Hi, hi", she said sounding like she recognized me. "Hello", I said and followed it with a "I am sorry I don't recognize you." To which she said, "I am Asha. You are the one with your boy visiting Ojai and the Oak Grove school, aren't you?" At this point, I felt like a celebrity. "How do you know about me?", I asked. "Oh, word gets around, especially when someone comes and visits the school. Its such a small place." Our conversation followed with exchanges about where we are living -- turns out, we are a few doors down from her -- and where we are each from.

At one point, I said to her, "So, you've been here a long time. What brought you here?" (Now, brace yourself .. especially if you are someone in my life who knows my connection with J. Krishnamurti.) To this, Asha said, "Well, years ago, Krishnaji asked me and Mark to come to Ojai and start the Oak Grove school. That's when we came -- back in the 70s." Now, who do you think is the celebrity? This is Asha, as in the Asha married to Mark Lee, the founding and long-standing (until very recently) Director of the Oak Grove School! For all my education friends, you know this comes about as close as I will to meeting a celebrity in my world of education. 

Then, Asha says to me, "Anoo, you must come and have tea with me. Please do come." This, is the Ojai moment. This is it. First you meet someone. Yes, you meet people in all kinds of places but in Ojai when I have met people, our conversations have moved from Hi, hello, who are you to how are you feeling and lets have tea in a matter of sentences. But that still doesn't capture the entire "Ojai moment". The moment truly happens when they tell you exactly when you will have that tea. Its happened to us over and over. And it is one of those things I long for in life -- to connect with people and work towards making the connection real -- to really extend yourself beyond the Hi and hello.

So now, Vamshi and I are having tea with Asha and Mark Lee tomorrow evening. And just as I was getting ready to write this post, a woman came up to me and we chatted for a while. She is new in town, is a daycare provider and got so curious about my Art of Education work. I think I could have converted our conversation to include another "Ojai moment" but alas I am from Seattle and am still learning this art.

I didn't think the camera would capture the "Ojai moment" fully so I took this picture right after we met Asha and Mark Lee. Do you see that half-smile, half-disblief aura on me -- that's me still shaking from the "Ojai moment."

Fires!

Our day of rain was not followed by fires. No, even though we are in southern California. That said, the big fireball did come out again today and Ojai felt like Ojai once again. But I am writing about a different fire. I am writing about a ritual we have created here in Ojai.

One of the things I learned quickly after becoming a parent was that having a good evening routine was key to healthy sleep. It turns out this is true for all involved -- infants and parents. For the last 3 years, we've created a routine we really enjoy -- dinner, baths and then lots of snuggles and stories with Vehd before he is tucked in. There are many little pieces to each step that I won't bore you with. Its a routine we have managed to maintain through our travels to India and elsewhere.

So, when we came to Ojai, I didn't imagine it would change much. But it has. It has a whole new element to it. Fires! Most people in Ojai that have fireplaces seem to have a specific draw to them -- this is no ordinary draw -- its something people talk about and ask about -- like when you meet them, they'll say, "so do you light a fire every evening?". Okay maybe I am exaggerating a little there but I am not exaggerating when I say that at least 2 people have separately asked me if we build a fire each evening. And, thank goodness we had started doing it before we learned that its part of 'what you do in Ojai'. Thanks to Vehd. He instantly took to the idea of building a fire every night. What is it with boys and fires? And sticks, stones, leaves, earthworms, frogs and ... okay, I'll stop now.

So our new ritual is -- dinner, baths, build a fire -- with real cured wood and the gas from the fireplace -- then lots of stories and snuggles. Its completely dreamy ... sitting next to a fire every night, reading stories without a single word coming out of your madly curious 3 1/2 year old. Now, if only I could have fires going all day long! Oh, wait, I do .. they just look different from the ones in the evenings ...

It takes a village

It was rainy in Ojai today -- 45F and rainy -- we're getting trained for our return to Seattle at the end of the month. Rainy days in Ojai are quiet days. While you can head out like we did to the farmer's market, it is easiest to stay indoors given that the whole valley is best suited for outdoor explorations in sunny weather. The forecast, based on our many conversations at the farmer's market (what better and more reliable source than those for the weather forecast, huh?), is that it will rain off and on through January -- this is the wet season in Ojai afterall.

With the day in mind and the month ahead, V, V and I launched into a project. And it is no small project. We decided to build out a miniature village. To get ourselves going, we thought of all the things we'd wanted in the village -- people, animals, a forest, lots of play space, farms, homes, one hospital, a fire department and a school. Then, Vehd suggested we needed "Fair grounds" where all the "fairies" could live -- it made perfect sense of course that fairies would live on the fair grounds. So, we have a fair ground.

With a rough plan in mind, we headed out to Ventura, a town 10 miles away that is the shopping hub for the 50 mile radius around Ojai. One trip to the Michaels art supply store for 2 hours resulted in the purchase of many materials for our very ambitious plan. We are hoping, "hoping" being the operative word here, to build houses, make miniature people, create fair grounds and more with felt, foam blocks, wood and such. I don't think its going to rain that much in Ojai so this project might need to travel back to Seattle with us. It is with that in mind that all the materials purchased have good portability specifications.

After returning home, V & V created a basic layout of the village. It turns out they also identified some 'rules' that include the following from the junior V:

No poop on roads
No booger digging
At school: No jumping on your friends unless they are okay with it

.. amongst others. See picture for details. The village is called "Roxaboxen" after a Barbara Cooney's children's book by the same name, in which the children of a village build a town for themselves to play in.

This is an exciting project and a big one, we know. Afterall it does take a village to keep us sane when its raining so hard, even in Ojai!

someones in Ojai

I was talking to my friend Radmila from Seattle this morning. In the midst of describing Ojai to her, she asked me what the people here are like. My first response was, "easy to meet". Something about the weather, the slower pace of life, the simpler nature of town, the presence of spiritual centers, artists and educators .. something about Ojai makes it easy to meet people here.

Take for example our afternoon today. Our friends Rowan and Michael are entertaining their friends Nusa and Kevin from Bakersfield. Rowan thought it would be fun for Vehd to meet their children Kira and Kai so we planned a playdate. We got ourselves out to the guest house where Nusa and her family are staying and before we knew it, we were talking about breast-feeding (her younger 18 month old is feeding), separation from children in the midst of career options while snacking on some delicious cheddar cheese and seaweed crackers. And, we had only just met.

A little while later Nusa and Kevin took off to do some work while Rowan, Sharon (K & K's grandmother) and I took all the children (4 of them under the age of 4) and headed out for a walk onto the orchards behind the house. I took this picture of Vehd and Kira on our walk. We then bumped into Linda, the one whose guest house Nusa and Kevin are staying in. She invited us in for wine. Unfortunately, Vehd and I needed to head home. I hope to see Linda some other time.

Its been like this since we got here .. someone will mention someone and we'll meet. That someone will connect us with someone else ... more someone's will be met and within a month, all the someones have become friends. I like this easy way of meeting ...gathering .. and hanging out. Lets see how many someones I meet at the Farmer's Market tomorrow ...

Goodbye to 2010!

When our friends from the Bay area had to unexpectedly cancel their trip out to Ojai this morning, we began to wonder how we might mark the end of 2010 in a different way. Being so close to the ocean and having enjoyed some spectacular sunrises and sunsets in the last few weeks, I suggested we head out to the beach, even though it was a chilly 50F today (yes Seattle, I know I am a wimp).

It turned out to be a great plan. While the air was chilly, the sky was a magical shade of bluish-pink and the water was gentle. Being close to the ocean at sunset was exactly how I needed to bid farewell to the year gone by. I needed to see it set away with the setting sun. As Vehd played in the wet, cold sand, I paused to consider the year gone by. I will always remember this year as the one when ....

... Dhruv was born
... Vehd went from short sentences to creating rhymes
... I finished graduate studies in education
... I launched The Art of Education
... Vamshi met with the accident and is so lucky that he will live with no long-term effects
... We migrated to Ojai for the winter
... Vamshi, my professor Dr. Marty Siegel and I co-founded a start-up focused on education... more on that in 2011!

And while those all seem like accomplishments of this year (yes, even the accident given the miraculous recovery V has had), on a more emotional level, I will remember 2010 as the year in which Vamshi, Vehd and I truly came together as a family. From tender beginnings in 2007, to toddling in 2008 and '09, this feels like the year in which we found our groove; together. A magical sensation bonds us, an open laughter holds us together as we learned this year to take care of each other in truly tough times.

I am saying goodbye to 2010 with much gratitude, peace, strength and excitement. It is time to rest now and look forward to a whole new year ...

Holiday hang over

Its been about 3 hours since Vamshi's sister Shalu and her family left. I now have the holiday hang over ... you know that tired feeling in your body, mixed with a lingering sadness of having had to say bye to your family spiked with the sweet memories of a time gone by. It was so sad saying bye to Shalu, baby Dhruv and Ram. The house is quiet now. Vehd is asleep and I am finally sitting down to rest my body.

As I reflect on our time together, I realize how sweet it was despite the stomach bug that went around ... we hung out together at home, caring for each other, trying hard not to get sick. We chatted, we nourished our bodies going between treats and bland food depending on where in the sickness cycle each person was. We soaked in the sunshine and had some long, long conversations. We watched the two boys play .. such a delight! Hmmmm ....

Now, its time for me to let myself linger with this hang over and savor it for what it is. And yes, in case you are wondering .. that is a picture of me with the holiday "hung over". More tomorrow ...