When I am in Ojai, there is a pause in my step, not a fast clip, there is a far-off gaze in my eyes not a quick blink, my heart beats slower not faster and my breath is longer not short. My shoulders are lower, my back is straighter, my eyes are cast towards the sun, the sky and the trees. My mind is quieter. I feel more moments in the day.
But will it always take this much for me to pause and slow down?
As I tucked Vehd to bed tonight, I felt a panic take over me. We have just 2 days left before we head back to Seattle. I never want this time to end. Why? Because I never want to stop feeling this calm, collected and relaxed.
But does it have to end? Will it take two flights, a rented home, a different temperature, no school, no cooking, many walks and more for me to feel this calm? Does it take this much for me to settle down?
What attention, focus, energy and intention will it take? What emergency will be needed before I can find this kind of calm in my every day life?
I welcome this new year with this question. No resolution. Just an inquiry into this question.
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