it's time to do open water swimming for the triathlon. i grew up swimming in the arabian sea off the west coast of india but we wouldn't go too deep. having been trained as a lap swimmer, i have always swum with my head in the water. be it in the pool or the shallow waters of the sea, i have also always been able to see the floor of the body of water i swam in. so, when i got into lake washington last weekend, i was in for some surprises.
i started out floating on my back just so i could get used to the water. i felt comfortable quite soon and so turned around and headed out into the lake. as i stuck my head in the water, i was greeted by the sight of rocks, sand and lake flora. the trouble started when i swam deeper. the light to the bottom of the lake faded and i couldn't see much. what i could see was long snake-like objects and thicker fauna. my heart began to beat fast, just as it is even now. i raised my head, stopped my stroke and took a huge gasp of air. i was scared! i was afraid i would hit some fish or get tangled in the tall lake fauna. my heart was racing and i couldn't catch my breath. i felt claustrophobic as i tried to see the bottom of the lake and just couldn't see anything. finally, i turned around and returned to the shore. i spent the rest of my time swimming in shallower waters.
i knew open water swimming would be different but i never thought it would be scary. what was i going to do? i just didn't have the heart to get out on my own again. as i thought through my fear, i realized that if i had someone swimming alongside me, i might be able to get into deeper waters. so, i emailed my friend jamie who had done a triathlon just last year and is a good swimmer. she agreed to get out into the water with me this weekend.
and, so, off we went, this morning. the water was cold and choppy. we decided that it would be best not to think about the conditions but to just head out into deeper waters and stay with the plan. and so, we did. i was too afraid to stick my head into the water so i swam with it out. this made it possible for the choppy water to enter my mouth, thus, making it impossible to breath through my mouth. it also put my stroke out of sync. i struggled as we made it out not even 100 yards. we were both getting cold. i ducked my head in periodically, trying to deal with my crazy claustrophobia. it didn't work. i either saw nothing or i saw scary fauna. i stayed with it though and we returned to shore having done what we said we would do. it wasn't confidence building though. i wondered if i could ever do the swim part of the triathlon.
then, we decided to swim in shallow waters to get warmed up. that worked well and i found myself enjoying seeing the bottom of the lake. i was even a little curious. after a little bit of swimming, jamie looked at me and said, "let's go out into deeper water again". i knew it was the right thing to do but hell, i was so scared. i braced myself and agreed. i started to talk myself into staying calm, keeping my head in and being curious about the bottom of the lake, rather than being scared. i started out fine. as the water got deeper, i couldn't see much. then i saw the snake-like objects. it wasn't some crazy lake creature, it looked like a sunken sail. ah! and then, it got darker and i could see the scary fauna again. i kept talking myself to stay with it but my fear allowed no thoughts, no talking. it had this crazy grip of me. i raised my head and said to jamie that i was really scared. i didn't like what i was seeing, she retorted with a, "don't look". "don't look", what does that mean? how could i do that? then she followed with the other set of magic words, "close your eyes". and so i did. i closed my eyes whenever i put my head into the water and opened them when my head tilted to the side for a breath. and, it worked! this way, i could keep track of where i was going, i could keep my head in, keep my stroke smooth and not see the scary stuff! it worked, it worked! when we turned around to return to the shore, i stayed with the plan -- don't look! i swam back to the shore calmly.
closing your eyes seems like such a simple thing to do to deal with my fear. in fact, it seems like the obvious thing to do. how come i never thought of it? my fear had such a grip of me that it froze my brain. i learnt several things from this experience -- what fear does to my mind, how i always choose to brave it out and that it is okay not to brave through everything in life. it is okay to be scared and deal with the fear slowly, rather than taking it head-on.
more important than the lessons though, those magic words from jamie have made me realize that i can do the triathlon. thank you, jamie!
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