It's been over 9 weeks that I have been in India. I am 3 days away from leaving and have been trying to capture the essence of what I experienced. The essence is tied to my first blog entry from this trip -- where is home for me? Then I said that home was in my grandmother's lap amidst my family. It still is. I also said that PSCS was beginning to feel like home. It still does. But, something else is also feeling like home -- the lifestyle I enjoy in the US. Having been around at least 2 or more people at all times (other than when I was bathing and sleeping) on this trip, I have come to appreciate the quiet I enjoy when I am on my own. I get a lot of that (often more than I want) when I am in the US. Just as I say that, my stomach tumbles at the thought of being away from all the people I have enjoyed in India. In terms of people, I need something in between what I experience in the US and what I have in India.
I have come to resoundingly value the control and independence I enjoy in the US. In a conversation with my aunt I came to realize how independent I have become (physically, emotionally and interestingly even spiritually) since I left India in my early 20s. I have missed the physical independence that I have in the US. I know that is something to change on my next India trip, however long or short the trip.
For a little bit I had wondered if I would miss the amenities and infrastructure in the US and whether that would affect what I called home. I didn't miss the amenities -- not even the bathrooms; even when for the most part of my trip I was having bucket baths by sitting on the floor. I had also wondered if I would miss the forms of entertainment I enjoy in the US. I missed one of them -- all the outdoor activity and exercise I do when I am there.
Another thing that I missed and hadn't guessed that I would was golf and the people I have come to know because of it. I don't play golf but I caddy. I missed being out on a course periodically. I missed the crisp early morning air at Aldarra. Above all, I have missed Vamshi's friends at Aldarra. Knowing them has become a part of me being at home.
Now for what I am dreading leaving behind that makes up a part of me being at "home" -- my mother calling out to me (only she says "anoo" the way she does), my father's nod and smile, my grandmother's lap, my cousin's quiet presence, the bustle of the rest of my family, the food, smells and sounds, the breeze blowing between the open doors of Vamshi's parent's home, the rolling mountains of the western ghats and of course the dogs that have woken me up every night in Bombay. All of these also make up what I call home.
So, back to the question - where is home for me? It is scattered. With my family, in PSCS, with the people at Aldarra, in moments of solitude, in the food, smells and sounds of India. No country or place is home. Home is where I am at home.
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