Being yourself

dr. P

One of the highlights of my stay in Pune has been connecting with Dr. P who is a long-time friend and doctor to my family. He is like no other being I have met. A surgeon by training, who practiced medicine only in government service and remained J. Krishnamurti's physician for about 20 years, he is holistic not just in providing medical advice but in his whole view of the world. It is hard to summarize who he is. I view him as a philosopher and a doctor, a holistic human being all in one. I have had the opportunity to meet him 3 times during my stay.

Through our conversations, he has helped me uncover my core concerns and difficulties in life. We touched on how I perceive the world, how I react to it, how that impacts my relationships, my parenting, my work as an educator and how it impacts my physical well-being. He contends that most all physical ailments have their root in the mind. He illustrated this point by sharing the following story with me from his early days as a doctor ...

He was placed in Chambal way back sometime in the 60s when he joined the government service as a doctor. They sent him there to heal an ailing population of stone cutters, men from the southern part of India who had been employed to cut stones for building a dam. The dam site was 18 miles from the nearest village and the path to the village was through thick forest. The men ate rice, chilli powder, salt, wild rats and snakes. As Dr. P told me this, he asked me to consider my perspective of health and hygiene (something I sweat a lot when I am here in India). The working men were stronger than any of the dam engineers, all of whom were from the city.

Dr. P and his newly wed wife lived in a home (almost a hut) made with 12" x 4" pieces of wood that were precariously connected to create some semblance of a structure. One pat of the hand could bring down a whole wall. Snakes fell through the roof of their home and the area was abundantly populated with bugs of all kinds. Dr. P was there to treat the stone cutters infected with malaria -- not the ordinary malaria but cerebral malaria which is almost always fatal, especially in those days. The only treatment possible was the intravenous administration of quinine -- given in a very carefully calculated dosage based on the constitution of the patient, his strength during the illness, stage of illness and the ability of the physician to administer it the dosage precisely at the rate it needed to enter the bloodstream in order to be effective. A slight mistake and the patient would die on the spot of cardiac failure.

Dr. P studied his patients very carefully and administered quinine saving many lives. It was a tough job. As he spoke of this he asked me to consider what it meant to be immune in such circumstances. Did he have the option to protect himself? What immunity did he need to live through those circumstances? He posits that all his immunity came from his clarity of mind -- he had no fear living and doing what he was doing. He never contracted malaria and saved many lives. He was from the city, never having lived in those circumstances but when the time came he made it through just fine.

His story makes me wonder how some people can survive on such simple nutrition whereas those that are mindful of nutrition seem to be the ones that have more health problems. How is it that a man who is treating patients who are so sick never gets sick himself? What is my understanding of health and healthful living? One thing is clear from Dr. P's story and that is that health starts with the mind. When the mind is clear and fearless it creates a safe and healthy haven for the body to be in. This seems to be the cornerstone of good immunity. As Dr. P said, if you never exercise the immune system it will never work when it needs to. The immune system builds by being exposed to germs and by fighting them. Living in germ-free environments and constantly protecting yourself from germs only makes you weak. The germs of the world are constantly changing, you can protect yourself from some but then they mutate. In order to have a strong immune system you need to do the bare minimum to be hygienic and then remain fearless about your body and mind's ability to handle what will come.

Mr. Joshi again

Mr. Joshi, our neighbor who is not going to be a stranger visited with me last week. He came to share with me his secrets about counseling youth. Through a story about his life and how he gave up smoking after being a smoker for 13 years he revealed to me his method (cannot be shared publicly) for overcoming addiction. Smoking and drinking are on the rise amongst youth in India -- another side-effect of the excess income at the hands of city dwellers here.

I was so touched by all the effort this this 67 year old man took to share his story with me telling me secrets he probably doesn't tell very many people. And all because I told him that I am working in the field of holistic education and find myself in situations that demand some amount of counseling. Mr. Joshi regularly tutors students alongside any counseling he does both for youth and couples. He charges nothing for his work. Wow!

Turns out our families do go way back. His older sister went to college with my grand-aunt and knew my grandfather.

I know I will remain connected with Mr. Joshi.

Sick from pollution

I remember being in high school and learning about pollution. My teacher painted this picture of the future-oh-so-far-away when pollution would get so bad we might need to walk around wearing masks. That future is here now! Most everyone in Pune but especially women tie a bandana all around their face, covering nose and mouth especially. When my friend Sridevi suggested I take on this accessory, I laughed. Then I ran two days later and came home with a soar throat which healed rapidly. I continued going about my ways riding in auto rickshaws like I always have and walking around like I always do. I refuse to be an NRI (non-resident Indian) who cannot live in India like the Indians do. I should have taken my stance to heart and done as Indians do -- they wear masks when they are outside their cars and homes.

Now, I am down with a terrible throat that feels like it is entirely pollution induced. Nobody else in the family has it -- they have all been wise and done as the Indians do.

I am saddened by this reality of life in India. The number of motor vehicles is rising at an alarming rate. With cities being so congested this spells doom for traffic, the environment and people too! This only tells me that those floods that are predicted to come from all our gas burning are not far away ..

aaji

"Aaji" - grandmother -- the only one that Vehd calls by this traditional marathi name, is the helper who has worked in my parents home for the last 21 years. I got to know her when I was 14. She watched me peak as an adolescent, rebel in my late teens, leave India in my early twenties and then return briefly for the decade that followed. Now, she has left all her work in Bombay to be with "baby" (yours truly) and her "babu" (Vehd) to housekeep, clean and nanny as "baby" tries living in India. Our experience in India would be impossible without her help.

Besides her phenomenal quality of work and work ethic, there is something homely and heart-warming about sharing this experience with her. She speaks of the days when I was 15 and fussy as I watch Vehd fuss over something. She remembers the foods I like and makes them for me. She knows my ways of working and suffers with me when Vehd is inconsolable. She appreciates Vamshi for all that he is and loves us all.

Today she turned to me and asked if I could teach her to read. We did a short 30 minute lesson on reading marathi. It felt so good to do this little thing for her. I could never really do enough for her.

Someday, I wonder if she will come to Seattle to see how "baby" lives when not in India :)

the truth

This post is going to be heavily judgmental and evaluative in nature. Proceed reading with caution.

If my writing about this trip to India has to be honest at any real level, I have to say what it is that I am loving about being here and what is just not working. I did an earlier post along similar lines but this one is different. Here, I want to talk about how I am feeling about what is happening, not what is happening.

I am really enjoying the simple daily life that we have managed to establish for ourselves here. Our home here is perfect -- small and spacious, filled with light, free of mosquitos and bugs and surrounded by trees. It touches a hill on the back and is at the very end of a very quiet street. We wake up to the call of birds and we are feeding a dog on a semi-daily basis. Its perfect. The help we have is phenomenal -- the helper that my mother has had for 21 years gave up all her work in Bombay to come be with "baby" (yours truly) and her "babu" (Vehd). She is our housekeeper, cleaner and nanny all in one. Also, we now have a cook who is cooking the way my mother does -- which includes making healthy, sumptuous vegetarian meals. The amenities we have our just right -- our home is very simple, it is small, we have bucket baths not showers and we have about 8 plates in all. Its just right. We also have fantastic wireless connectivity, running water and we lose electricity once a week -- it is all just right. This is real and it is good. We get the newspaper at our door, just like the milk and the watchman to the apartment complex cleans our car everyday. Vamshi and I are both driving through the city comfortably and have good bearings on where we are going. I have now connected with a local holistic school and will be observing classes two times a week. We have some really good friends here -- one family in particular that lives 3 minutes away. The folks whose home we are using are phenomenal people that we hope to spend more time with. We are headed to a beach vacation at the end of the month. We have had a good local outing every week or every 3-4 days. This is all very good.

So what's not working? Other than the few people that we are connecting with in meaningful ways, the overall culture of India or what is becoming the mainstream culture of India is making me very very sad. The fast-growing economy of the country is leading to an even faster paced commoditization of everyday life. Most middle-class people in the cities are finding themselves with some amount of surplus income that they are spending on buying cars, eating out, seeking entertainment in movie theaters and using new electronic devices. Spending is on the rise and people seem to be willing to forego most all else in the drive to acquire material goods. The influx of western goods is mind-blowing -- from cars to biscuits, you can buy a western or western-like good for everything. This exceedingly material focus of such a large population will create an environmental and social hazard at a very large scale. While there is growing awareness of what such a materialistic focus could do to the country, I am skeptical of what measures will and can be take in time before there is mass chaos.

This external material focus married with some of the attitude that is innate in the culture has left me wanting to find something that I truly admire about what seems to be the commonly prevailing Indian culture. Before I proceed, I have to say that I consider the Indian culture of the yore as having much that is to be admire. Little of the founding Indian cultural heritage is apparent to me in the fast-paced life emerging in the cities. Bear with the judgments that follow -- I am finding myself surrounded by an attitude that is casual to the point of lacking integrity, not sensitive to people, places or the larger environment, exceedingly selfish, driven by the fear of god, steeped with a drive to be successful, wishy-washy when it comes to communication, non-confrontational to the point of being dishonest and constantly seeking stimulation. You know, until I wrote that last sentence out, I had not realized how similar the emerging culture in India is to many other "successful" cultures around the globe. Scary!

So, the reality that is emerging for me is that I can be in India and live in a pocket I create for myself at least to begin with. I can then hope to gradually mature to accept and navigate the "system" and "culture" for what it is. I am not going to be able to be here and feel at home right away. I will initially be at home only in the pocket I create for myself. This is no different from how it is for me in Seattle. Perhaps this is saying something very loudly about who I am and who I have become. Perhaps the lesson in all of this lies in knowing how to observe and accept what is around me, without judging it and fighting it, being with it, being myself and finding myself within and without, while not isolating myself from what is without.

Perhaps, perhaps that is what this is all about ...

overstimulation again..

.. overstimulation might be my biggest suffering on this trip. I cannot seem to take in more than one "event" or activity in the day while here. One activity of being outside the home and being with people gets me completely exhausted.

Talking and engaging with people seems to be the greatest source of my exhaustion. I don't know whether this is culturally specific (because of how Indians communicate -- everyone talking at the same time and nobody listening) or that it is specific to the Padte side of my family. Whichever it is, it is making me take a lot of breaks when spending time with people, pacing myself and seeking a lot of space in my days.

Sinhagadh -- a heartbreak!

This past Friday, we took the morning off from our regular (yes, we have a regular routine here) routine to visit Sinhagadh, one of the famous forts around Pune. I had trekked Sinhagadh as part of a 7-day trek through the forts of Pune when I was 12 and had very fond memories of the experience. So, I couldn't wait to share just a part of that experience with the two Vs. As we made our way to the fort, we were pleasantly surprised by how quickly we got there -- 45 minutes in peak traffic. But that was the highlight of the trip.

It is now possible to motor your way to the top of the fort, an option we chose given that we had a 60 year old and a 2 year old with us. The road was potholed all the way! When we got to the top, we reached a parking area surrounded by dhabbas (roadside restaurants) and were instantly acosted by vendors from the dhabbas. As we politely refused their wares, we made our way through the 200 or so steps that lead to the top of the fort, except we could never tell that we were at the top! What seemed like the top of the fort was filled with even more dhabbas, broken structures of old dhabbas, a house (for the caretaker, if there should be such a person!), a temple (of course) all of which crowded the few remains one can see of the fort that used to be.

I was lost and disheartened. 23 year old memories of reaching into an old well to get water and sitting on a fort wall to see the sunset had now been shattered by the rampant and inconsiderate commercialization of a site that represented a majestic time in the history of Pune. 

We left soon after feeling sad and lost.

Sigh, grunt and cry!

the very cool train museum

read all about it here.

how's vehd doing in India?

Or rather what do I think about how Vehd is doing? Read all about it here.

The end of the honeymoon

My last several posts have been very positive in describing my experience in India. This is not because we have not bumped into unfortunate circumstances but simply that I am choosing not to dwell on them. That said, in order to keep my description of what is really going on honest, I need to document what is really going on. Before I jump into describing the not-so-pleasant parts of my experience I have to say that even in my worst moments I have not been upset at being in India. I have felt held together and positive even in those moments. With that said, here’s how the honeymoon is coming to an end …

… I spent 2 hours and 8 phone calls to the local telecommunications company that provides wi-fi hotposts in the local café’s so I might be able work online when I am there. In my 8th call, I managed to speak to a supervisor who understood the service they offered and that I was seeking. Most other people didn’t even know of the service! Even though I was finally understood my problem was not solved. Turns out I need to go to Timbuktu (about 40 minutes away) to get this resolved. Its not worth it! I will just stick to my books when I am at the café and do all my online work at home.

… I had a series of failed explorations in the morning yesterday. With Vehd in tow I set out to visit a local preschool that Vehd might go to for the next 2-3 weeks. We started out by hailing a rickshaw (imagine a cab on 3 wheels) driven by a man who seemed to be mentally unstable. I jumped out of the rickshaw after the first 3 minutes and walked away from it at the fastest pace I could. Then we reached the area of the preschool only to discover that it had moved. So we traced our way to the home of a woman who might know where it is located now and discovered that she was not at home. Exhausted by this, we dropped the exploration and headed for a walk into the university area only to find that we needed to go deeper into the campus before we could walk in a remotely walker-friendly area and that our rickshaw couldn’t go there. So we abandoned that plan and headed to a store that turned out to be closed (even at 10 am!). We just waited until it opened at 10:30 am and then made our way back home.

… Pune wakes up at 10 am, closes for lunch at 1pm and then reopens at 4 or 5pm. This is not aligning well with any commercial interaction I might want to have with this place. But that is just as well.

… We lose electricity for 8 hours every Thursday. And, I blew the fuse of our backup generator last Thursday. This week, I have my day planned so I can work around this. Thank goodness it is winter in Pune – the day time high is 77-78 F as opposed to 90-95F.

… If we live in India any more than 2 months at a time we will surely die of lung cancer or so it seems. The number of vehicles on the road is increasing at an alarming rate and the pollution is just out of control. In Pune, 80% women  cover their faces with scarves when they are outside. Men wear a mask.

… If you are going to get out of the house between 8-11 am and 5-8 pm, you had better take a rickshaw and cover your face. It is nearly impossible to drive during those peak hours.

This is how it is. I am still having a great time. It is what it is and where possible I will do something about it.