Being yourself

'baby wearing'

Vehd will be 2 weeks old tomorrow and in these 2 weeks, I have been away from him for a total of 30 minutes. And, in all this time, I have held him as much as I could. I can now feel Vehd all over my body. It is a beautiful feeling - it's as though, I have a new skin, and, it's got Vehd's touch, movements and sensations all over it. As I sit writing this blog entry, I can feel his face on my chest, his arms on my arms and his feet across my belly. My brain cycles through images of him waking up, seeing his mouth open for a feed, hearing him squirm as I change his diaper. It's as though, all the sensations I felt of him inside me have now been replaced with sensations of him all over the outside of my body. It's a new way of wearning your baby!

it's a new life

Baby boy, Vehd, was born on June 6. He surprised us with his early arrival that started by sending me into labor a day after he was full term. Labor lasted 40 hours at the end of which, calm little Vehd tumbled out of me. Vehd is already teaching me many new ways of being, some of which include --

- Make plans but don't expect them to always pan out and when they don't gracefully accept what is happening: Vehd came 2 weeks before I was expecting him to come. I had my heart set on completing out the school year before his arrival. However, as my water broke on June 4, I knew I was in for a new set of plans and had to just accept things as they came. We weren't even fully prepared with some of the things needed for his arrival but in the end it all worked out just fine.

- Surrender!: That was the #1 lesson that came out of my labor. I dilated only 2 cms in 35 hours and then went from 2-10 cms and gave birth in the next 5 hours. It was all a question of surrendering and letting that water flow out of me the way it needed to. Many other factors played a role but my being able to surrender was the one that stands out to me. Now, at 2 weeks, Vehd continues to teach me to surrender to his growing process, to stay with each moment for what it is and not sticking to ideas I may have had before his birth.

- Love whole heartedly: Every moment I am only more in love with Vehd. Once in a while, I find my brain interfering with the natural instincts of love and care that engulf me. I have to consciously put my brain aside, not let it worry, and, just run with my instincts that are borne out of love. Today, I cannot get enough kisses to him. He is peacefully asleep at this moment and I am sending him many flying kisses. I can't wait for him to awake for his next feed, so I can kiss him all I want.

There's a theme in all of these lessons -- I capture it with the word 'SURRENDER' - to life as it comes! It's a new way of 'being myself'.