Being yourself

come 4pm i am a walking zombie

Its been 4 weeks now that i have been teaching at PSCS and i am beginning to see how I feel through the day. When the day starts, i cant wait to get to school. The moment i walk in through the doors of the University Heights Building, i forget the rest of my life. Every moment is soaked up by a student or some school activity. Whether i am teaching, talking to a student, helping them through a problem, talking to a staff member, eating or just plain watching the students, i feel a heightened sense of alertness. My mind attentive all the time. That is just so exhausting. It is easily more exhausting than being at Microsoft was. I cant tune off like i could in the middle of meetings, while reading email or take a moment to browse the internet.

Being with students can take all the attention you can give, even if it comes from just watching them. There is something to learn from them all the time. Every motion and action of theirs is telling me something about them and every motion and action of mine is telling them something about me. When you talk to them you are passing on some of yourself to them and believe me when i say that they are picking up everything you are telling -- the said and the unsaid. I watch myself closely as i interact with them. Whether i exclaim at the weather of the day or my favorite comic, they are learning from me. And when they tell of their favorite TV show, sport or music, they are teaching me something.

As i watch them and myself closely, it is telling me something about how we relate, can relate with each other and the world around us. We are learning all the time from each other and learning all the time is exhausting! It is my hope that as the days pass, being alert will not exhaust me but will make me more alive at the end of the day ...

being vegan

It was a cool sunny morning in Switzerland when I met Amir. We were having breakfast. I was drinking chai. We spoke of the beautiful mountains and the green hillsides and how blissful it was to be in Schonried.

Something was amiss though. My mind was preoccupied with a nagging thought from the previous evening. Seeing that Amir knew a little about the Swiss countryside, I decided to ask him. I had been wondering why the cows on the hillsides were kept in really small, dark and dingy sheds every evening. It was in the middle of the summer and there were enough trees on the mountainsides for the cows to rest under. Then why the sheds?

What Amir went on to tell shocked me beyond belief. He told me how the cows, even those in Switzerland were really treated. They were not only kept in small sheds, the mothers would be separated from calves at birth, they would be forced to produce more milk than they naturally could and on and on. The stories were horrifying.

They stopped me from finishing my chai.

And, I havent looked back. I now eat like a vegan. No animal products at all.

If you are curious and want to know how animals are really treated check out the following sites:

Vegan Action
Factory Farms

I understand that the situation is particularly bad in the US. It is slightly better in India where the cow is considered holy.

If you want to become vegan and wondering what that is like check out the following sites or drop me a line:

VegWeb
Vegan Village - UK site
Vegan Essentials

the next Climb For A Cause

Two years ago, I raised money for people affected by AIDS in South Africa. I then went on to walk 75 miles over a period of 5 days in commitment to the cause. My trip ended by visiting AIDS patients and talking to them about their lives. It was a life-changing experience. One, which opened my eyes to the reality of life that most people in the world live with. What never left my mind was how privileged I was. That memory has motivated me every single day since.

It was out of that motivation that I started a small volunteer group called Climb For A Cause. The Climb For A Cause group pioneers a charity adventure each year. We choose a developing part of the world that needs help. We raise money to help them. Then, we go on to visit with the people affected -- we talk to them, we see them in their native setting, we learn of the reality they live in. We then go on to meditate what we learnt and tie it back to our lives. We meditate by challenging ourselves physically and emotionally on a mountain climbing activity.

Last year we raised $40,000 for the people and children of Bolivia. We met them and then went on to climb Macchu Picchu.

The Cause for 2004

This year I am going back to Africa. For several reasons, I have always been drawn to Africa. It’s where we all came from and yet it seems like such an easily forgotten land. The people of Africa need all the help they can get. When I took stalk of the state of the AIDS epidemic in the region; I realized that the situation is far worse than it was 2 years ago. AIDS continues to remain the leading issue facing the people of Africa; especially Southern Africa. What is worse is that the condition has deteriorated considerably for children and women. Some facts that indicate this are:

• There are 40 million people living with AIDS in the world. Of these 2.5 million are children. The epidemic has killed more than 3 million people in 2003, 500,000 of them were children. This amounts to approximately 1,400 children's deaths from AIDS per day.
  
• More than 95 percent of people with HIV live in the developing world. Southern Africa alone is home to about 30% of people living with HIV/AIDS worldwide, yet this region has less than 2% of the world’s population.
  
• Around half (58%) of all people living with HIV in the world are female. This rises to 64% of young women and girls in developing countries.
  
• More than 1 in 5 pregnant women are HIV-infected in Southern Africa. In some parts of Africa, more than 60% of women aged 15-49 do not know that HIV can be transmitted from a mother to her child.
  
• Approximately 2,000 children worldwide are infected with HIV each day. Over 90% of these children were infected through mother-to-child transmission.
  
• In industrialized nations, research and effective intervention have drastically reduced mother-to-child transmission of HIV to less than two percent. If we act now, thousands of children's lives in the developing world can be saved by using proven low-cost interventions.
  

The Organization

Several worldwide organizations are working relentlessly to fight AIDS. The Elizabeth Glaser Pediatric AIDS Foundation is one such organization. I raised money for them during the AIDSTrek in 2002. I have been very please with their work and use of the money. They are rated A by the American Institute of Philanthropy, a charity watchdog organization. In the simplest terms, this means that over 75% of the money donated to Elizabeth Glaser reaches the people affected by the cause.

The Elizabeth Glaser Pediatric AIDS Foundation helps children and families worldwide by eradicating pediatric AIDS, providing care and treatment to people with HIV/AIDS, and accelerating the discovery of new treatments for other serious and life-threatening pediatric illnesses. It does this by providing awards to outstanding scientists to conduct innovative research into pediatric HIV Vaccine. In an environment where scientific information is often viewed as proprietary, the Foundation has been extremely successful in encouraging scientists to work collaboratively. Outcomes are then put into action through critical programs. The Foundation also seeks to keep the public informed about developments in HIV/AIDS research to aid in grass-roots advocacy.

My Challenge

I have not set a specific goal for the amount of money I want to raise this year. I want to raise as much money as I possibly can. I have raised over $10,000 each of the last 2 years. This was possible due to the generous support from the people I know. Drop me a line if you would like to make a donation.

I am looking to raise all of the money by the end of November. Following the fundraising, in December, I will go to Southern Africa and visit an Elizabeth Glaser clinic. I will also be volunteering at a Doctors Without Borders clinic. Through these visits I am hoping to help HIV/AIDS patients in an even more real way. After the visits, I will climb Mt. Kilimanjaro. It is my hope that when I stand atop the 18,000 ft. mountain, it will give me a perspective of the world that nothing else has ever before.

of punishments and rewards

One of the wonderful things about teaching at PSCS is that it allows me to be just be myself. I dont feel like a teacher, separate from a student; like someone, who is there to teach the student something that they know better. I feel like we are learning together. A significant part of what we are learning and exploring is about ourselves. This is possible because we try hard to be open and non-judgemental. Children are never scolded or punished. Instead, they are cared for unconditionally no matter what they do. When a child does something disturbing or disruptive we engage them in a conversation of what they want, what they need and why they are behaving the way they are. We make them aware of what their actions are doing to those around them and the environment of the school. Its feels like a more natural way to relate. The actions more than the content from teachers are the greatest teachings.

The approach of no punishments but rather engaging and trying to determine the root cause of issues works well when students do something disruptive or disturbing. I have however started wondering what we do to them and ourselves when we reward for positive behavior.

When we dont scold for bad behavior, we are being open and not making students defensive of themselves. We are instead helping them see themselves. There is then a suspension of the activity that strengths the "self".

If we reward for positive behavior, what are we doing? Isnt reward for positive behavior just another form of judgement -- its a positive judgment rather than a negative judgement. And, so if we judge positively dont we support and strengthen the self? Do we then teach a way of confirming -- a right way to be? Have we stopped being open?

Puzzling isnt it? I am still puzzling it and primarily because it seems that we need to provide a supportive, accepting and secure environment for children to feel safe. When they feel safe they will flower. Is rewarding a way to show support? If we dont reward are we not being supportive?

As I mused this, I came to realize that there is a distinction between reward and encouragement/support.

Encouragement and support help a child do something they want to do. For example, if a child wants to run 3 miles, supporting them would mean doing things like getting them to the venue of the run, making sure they are well-nourished, well-clothed and maybe even running it with them. Encouraging them would also mean listening to them as they express how they feel during and after the run, helping them enjoy it the best they can.

Rewarding on the other hand would mean giving the child a gift or reward for doing the run or telling them how good or better than others they are for doing the run. Further still, rewarding may include bribing the child to even get around to doing the run.

Encouragement can be factual. Encouragement also means acknowledging what is real. Rewarding on the other hand means placing a value on an act. The value you place is a manifestation of your thinking and how you think things should be. It is in this sense removed from fact and what is real/tangible.

This is how far I have gotten so far. I was recommended a book to read -- Punished by Rewards by Alfie Kohn.

what i am teaching

PSCS has a unique process for deciding what will be learnt in the school. In the first week of school starting, there is a community (includes students, parents, staff, volunteers) brainstorm that generates ideas for class topics and activities. This year's brainstorm generated over 130 ideas. I offered 10. We dwindled this down to 60 based on which ones had the most keen interest from students. There are now 60 different classes being offered each week at PSCS.

I am teaching the following:

Nature Walks-n-Talks: An exploration of ourselves by observing nature. A small group of students (3-4 generally) and I head out for a walk in one of the local parks, each Tuesday morning. We walk amongst thick greens, along hillsides, facing the oceans feeling the cool autumn morning air. We talk about anything and everything we see and feel. On our first walk we explored the rhetorical question - "when a tree falls in the forest, is there a sound"? This simple rhetorical question took us through discussions of - is only what we experience real or is there an absolute reality, what is reality, does science define reality, is science the new religion, can we express what we experience, the limitations of language and the fact that we are just not able to express everything we experience. We paused on the thought that there might be an intelligence that is not one we can express and use through words.

Yoga: Twice a week we do yoga. We stretch, talk about the connection between body and mind, breathe and listen to the sounds in the world around us.

Raise money for children with AIDS, Climb Kilimanjaro: I offered 2 students the opportunity to raise money for AIDS patients in Africa, to visit Africa and to Climb Mt. Kilimanjaro with me this December. They have taken up on the opportunity and now we are working together on making it happen.

Hands-on Science A group of 8 students have requested a hands-on science class. They dont want to read no text books or solve complicated formulae. They want to play with science and see how it is applicable in daily life. We are experimenting with electricity these days -- building an electric motor, trying to create lightening!

World Cultures: We are exploring different cultures of the world and their various aspects. In our initial brainstorm we came up with a longer list than we can cover in a whole year so we are now down to - Ex-Soviet Nations, the Kalahari Bushmen, Egyptians, Northern Mediterranean and the Chinese. We are looking at various aspects of these cultures -- history, economy, politics, religion and customs, art, music, food, language and others. This month we are studying the Ex-Soviet nations.

Einstein's Dreams: This is a read-aloud class in which we read a story or two from the book each week. The book is an exploration of time and how it controls our lives. The exploration is through a series of thought-provoking short stories.

Diary of Anne Frank: 5 students and I are reading the Diary of Anne Frank. The students happen to be young teenagers right around the age when Anne was writing her diary. It is lovely to see them blush when I read about Anne's teenage affairs.

I am waiting on starting a few other classes -- Hindi and Life cycle of everyday products!

why i teach

what does "teaching" mean to me?

Teaching to me is the process of observation, discovery and learning that a student and teacher are engaged in together. (In this process, the teacher is the person that is guiding the process - there is no additional connotation or significance that I associate with the role). It is a togetherness in which there is observation of the present, of the being, of life and its activities. It is a process of discovering the many marvels of life. It is a relationship in which there is an honest and free observation of the self. It is moments of being completely in the NOW; in which there is an attention to the "now" and hence an experiencing of life to the fullest. The teacher and student are observing, discovering and learning about themselves and the world around them. They are honest, free and sensitive in this process. As a result, both the student and the teacher are being diligent and responsible human beings able to live sensitive and self-sufficient lives. In a small part, they are acquiring some knowledge that will help them in practical matters of the world.

why am I teaching?

The focus of my life is being self-aware, sensitive, self-sufficient by living in the present moment. Observation of the self and being in the present are key to my state of being. I see this focus as the only way in which I can live a life of truth and peace. I seek to be involved in activities and relationships that make it possible and easy for this to be an integral part of my daily life.

In addition to leading such a life myself, I seek to be involved in inculcating such a state of mind in society at large. To me teaching is both an activity and relationship that can inculcate this. One in which the teacher and the student are involved in a real-time process of observation, discovery and learning of the self and the world around them.

The following commentary from 'All the Marvelous Earth' captures this in the deepest sense -

"It was a lovely morning with feelting clouds and a clear blue sky. It had rained, and the air was clean. Every leaf was new and the dreary winter was over; each leaf knew, in the sparkling sunshine, that it had no relation to last year's spring.

… There were children playing about, but they never looked at the lovely spring day. They had no need to look, for they were that lovely spring day. Their laughter and their play were part of the tree, the leaf , and the flower. You felt this, you didn’t imagine it. It was as though the leaves and the flowers were taking part in the laughter, in the shouting, and in the balloon that went by. Every blade of grass, and the yellow dandelion, and the tender leaf that was so vulnerable, all were part of the children, and the children were part of the whole earth. The dividing line between man and nature disappeared, but the man on the race-course in his car and the woman returning from market were unaware of this. Probably they never looked at the sky, at the trembling leaf, the white lilac. They were carrying their problems in their hearts, and the heart never looked at the children or at the brightening spring day.

The pity of it was that they bred these children and the children would soon become the man on the race-course and the woman returning from the market; and the world would be dark again. Therein lay the unending sorrow. The love on that leaf would be blown away with the coming autumn."

It is to keep the love on that leaf; that I teach.

a new adventure

The last 5 years of my life have been about 'rapid growth'. I felt like a baby -- growing in spurts. Not much happened to my inner self before I joined Microsoft. I had walked a well-known path determined based on family influences. Although the influences had led me to make 'safe decisions', they had also been sub-consciously teaching me to look at my inner self.

Being at Microsoft, for the most part by myself, provided an unique opportunity to look at myself. I started learning who I am. Initially, the observations were mostly about the "what" -- what makes me tick, what doesnt, what i like to do and what i dont. Gradually, they became about the "why" -- why do some things make me tick and why dont others, why do i like certain things and not others.

The "why" questions led to some insightful realizations about 'why i was living the way i was living'. I couldnt come up with any reasons that i could live with about 'why i was living the way i was living'. And, when that happened, i realized that i had to change the way i was living.

The change had to start with what my living was centered around - that is, my job.

I decided that i needed a way of life that was more about living than about making a living. I needed to do something that made me alive every waking moment, something that made me look at myself and continued the journey of self-discovery that i had started.

I had wanted to teach for a long time and as i thought more about it, it seemed more and more the way of life i wanted. So, the quest started on education and becoming a teacher.

Along the way, I came across the Puget Sound Community School. I started volunteering and got so involved that i couldnt help but apply for the teaching staff position they had open. To my utter surprise i actually got the job.

I started as a full-time teacher on August 23, 2004 and have actually been teaching for 2 weeks now. In my very first week itself, i came upon a defining moment -- one that just brought home to me why i want to teach. It is impossible to express in words what happened. So, I'll leave aside the specific incident but i will share in the next post my philosophy of teaching.