Being yourself

Be

If you want to run, be a runner
If you want to golf, be a golfer
If you want to teach, be a teacher
If you want to climb, be a climber

If you want to live, be alive
If you want to care, be caring
If you want to feel, be sensitive
If you want to love, be loving

It really is about the state of mind

- anoo (Feb 1, 2004)

Confidence or Arrogance

The pursuit of just "being myself" continues. I have come to realize that one of the keys to being yourself is by facing your fears. Fears prevent you from being yourself. They make you put up a guard and not be honest. They make you insecure. So, I have been trying to face up to my fears one-by-one. You might wonder what kind of zombie I am going to turn into as I go through them but you know what, I think they are all tied. They are all tied along a single basic thread so really I am battling one basic fear. It feels liberating just to come to be aware of your base fear(s).

On an 8 mile run this morning, my mind wandered to what happens when you start becoming aware of your fears. Do you become confident or are you then arrogant? I have often confused the two. In fact, I feel that many a times, I havent overcome my fears because I fear that overcoming them will make me arrogant. And, I associate a negative value with arrogance. As I muddled through confidence v/s arrogance, I made some interesting observations …

Confidence to me is a state of being self-assured with openness. Openness to changing your mind and being told otherwise. In a confident being, there is no attachment to any idea, ideaology, opinion or image. It is a comfortable state of mind, one in which there is the presence of observations and insights and less so the existence of opinions. Such a state of mind is not threatened when presented with opposing points of view. It is a free state of mind.

Arrogance on the other hand is a defensive state of mind. A state of being in which there is an attachment to specific ideas, ideaologies, opinions and images. When presented with opposing views, such a state of mind will respond with a confrontational reaction. It is not accepting. It is insecure and hence defensive.

The external manifestations of being confident v/s arrogant can be subtle to the unobservant. However, the differences run deep and are diagrammatically opposite. One is a state of mind that doesn’t seek security and the other; one that seeks security so desparately that it is always suffering from the lack of it.

Longing

When I feel deeply and truly realize something, I am finding myself writing poetry. I have never written a poem before. Here's my first, in moments of truly feeling and being ...

Longing

My heartbeat, it has a pace,
It is longing to see the face,
For tis' been twelve hours and some more,
Since I saw the one I adore.

The longing, it clouds the soul,
Blinds the heart like the eye,
A flood of tears drowns my lashes,
As the yearning turns to maddening sorrow.

A gentle smile, a loving kiss,
From the one will bring me joy.
But such joy is bitter sweet,
For it leaves me wanting more and more.

Seeing this, the self is pauses,
Turns a mirror unto itself,
The veil of longing lifts from the soul,
And takes with it the weakening sorrow.

I stare myself and my longing,
I see a way to love and be,
Not for longing, but for loving,
Alas I breathe a breath so free.

- anoo (Jan 23, 2004)