It is intriguing to me that my two of my closest friends still live in India. I had the opportunity to catch up with both of them last weekend. One of them moved back to India from Manhattan after spending a decade in NYC. It was heart-warming hearing of his reasons for returning and how that has worked out for him and his family in the year they have now been back in Bombay. Amidst some deeply open discussions, I uncovered a series of experiences and desires that are common of people like him and myself – expats that have now lived in the US or another western nation for a long time and that continue to find a meaningful balance in their lives while bridging two very different social cultures.
It was overwhelmingly clear that several of us seek work-life situations in which we don’t need to continue engaging in money-making jobs. What I mean by that is that we desperately seek financial independence so we can do the things we truly love. Many of us are trained in the world of technology and finance. Having achieved some level of excellence in those fields it becomes apparent to us that our real growing lies in areas outside of those. But those areas – often connected with social science or health science areas of work like education don’t pay enough to maintain lifestyles and commitments that we have already made. I imagine that our experience is no different from that of most people – who wouldn’t want to be financially independent?! What makes our situations unique is that we almost need the financial independence so we can strike the right cultural balance – living and loving the two cultures that have shaped us.
This cultural balance takes one of three forms – living the nation we have migrated to and visiting India periodically or returning to India and visiting the nation we had migrated to or doing what I am doing – living in the nation we migrated to and then doing a longer (than a 3 week visit) annual migration to India so. Every option other than the first one (which rarely satisfies you beyond the first decade or so) requires financial independence. Most folks of my generation that migrated out of India 10-15 years ago have chosen to return to India. That is easier in many ways than balancing a life in the US alongside an annual migration. But it comes with its costs like all the other options. In speaking to my dear friend I discovered the costs.
It turns out that most expats seek three things – a decent living situation that has unquestionably reliable basic amenities including reliable water, electricity (that does not disappear once/week), telecommunication options in the home, easy access to groceries that don’t require driving much, access to some foreign goods, a good school and a local park to begin with. Most of these amenities are available only in Indian cities. The countryside of India leaves most expats uncomfortable beyond a week of stay. The next thing we all seek is meaningful work situations. Even if we don’t actually “work” we want to be engaged in contributing to some area in a deep and meaningful way. We demand based on our experiences in western nations high levels of integrity from those that we work with. Lastly we seek a vibrant, cutting edge, intellectually driven social situation.
Given the very basic and unquestionable nature of the need for amenities, most expats prioritize that in determining where they will live in India. Then comes the need to determine the work situation. It has been gut wrenching to hear our returning friends speak of the poor levels of commitment and integrity in the work culture here. While most people in the work force are committed, few of them know how to work, especially how to work with a high level of integrity. I have had one friend (with two Masters degrees and about 15 years of successful work experience in the US) quit to stay at home because of the poor work ethic. This of course is not as significant an issue for those that are financial independent. Still even doing work that does not necessarily make you a living leaves you seeking people of high integrity. The last need for a socially vibrant situation is perhaps the one that is least satisfied in India. Given all the new money that is pouring into the country due to the technology industry, most cities are rife with entertainment options that involve shopping for western-looking goods, movies and all things connected with telecommunications. The country is so starry-eyed with this view of living that it is hard to find people who are seeking non-material stimulation.
It was intriguing to uncover that some of us have at some level found a way to satisfy all three needs in the country we migrated to. Of course this did not happen overnight. So perhaps with time the same can happen in India. Time will tell but something tells me that it isn’t just a question of spending time in India and getting familiar with it that will make this happen. It is also a question of the cultural revolution in India and the need for it to settle down from its current material focus. In the meantime, as we all try to find a balance between where our hearts belong and where our brains have found homes, I feel content at having identified the needs I have. Of the three – amenities, meaningful work and social connections, I prioritize in the following order – meaningful work, then social connections and lastly the amenities.
For the last two years as I have made my way through graduate studies, I have identified a favorite coffee shop that doubles as my study hall every afternoon. Now, I have a new find – in Pune. Barista, one of the two contending chain coffee stores in India serves a delicious Fiery Mocha (a mocha with spices), has clean tables, a young (maybe too young) crowd, good music and wifi. That alongside the Paneer Tikka sandwich and spinach and corn toast makes it the perfect hangout for a student like myself.
I am trying to keep up with my daily exercise here in Pune. So far, I have found two routines – a run through the local park or a hike up the hill behind our home. Both take about 30 minutes and I have to say they are quite compelling. I have always loved the mornings in India – the air is cool but not cold, the sun is just breaking through, the city is still asleep except the vendors that carry newspapers and milk and you can hear the birds clearly. Being a morning person, I love soaking in the simple mornings here.
Running in Pune (or any city in India) is nothing like anywhere else. I find myself on a mini obstacle course as I weave my way to the local park where I do half my run. The other half is done on the street leading to the park. As I make my way down the slight hill out of our apartment building, I find myself jumping through among other small obstacles – dog poop, man holes that are so uneven you cannot run over them, uneven pavements, dug up roadsides, little puddles, dogs, milk vendors on bicycles that are so caught up seeing a woman running that they don’t see where they are going and of course the hoards of grandmas and grandpas taking their morning walk. It makes for some agile action and makes my run a little more challenging just the way I like it.
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