One day, I woke up at 6am, exercised, ate breakfast, dropped Vehd off to school, volunteered in his classroom, worked and met with families, created some art, dug in the garden, cooked, ate dinner with the family, read into the evening, chatted with friends and spent more time than I should have on Facebook. That was my day. It had elements of a recognizable daily routine defined by rituals that satiated me then.
That was all true one day not too long ago.
Then somewhere between 12 and 24 hours later from a moment that was intense and impossible to predict; my precious daily routine and rituals changed! Just like that, in a quick span of 24 hours. I had anticipated the change but did not know when it would come about. I had not anticipated the rapidity with which my day changed. For a control-seeker like me, this is discombobulating to say the least.
A baby was born.
Poof, in the flash of an intensely painful and exhilarating moment, I was thrown into a day unrecognizable and unpredictable. Days and nights have tumbled into each other. That stated, I spent less days than fingers on my two hands in PJs in the last month. I am proud of that. That is a significant accomplishment, people! Now, I don't know when I will be woken up. I have not exercised. It feels like I eat all the time and still few of those times are with the rest of my family. My eyes have been locked on one being most all hours of the day. What spare moments I had, I stole to hug, snuggle, kiss and be with my 6 year-old. Dropping him to school has been a far cry on these days when stepping out of the house has felt like a mountain climb. Simple everyday routines that were second nature only a few days ago have seemed unfamiliar and daunting. Driving a car has felt like a risky science experiment. Talking to people has given me stage fright. I have lived my days prolactin-filled and sleepy-eyed madly in love with my boys. Nothing else has mattered.
And so a month has passed.
I got up this morning at an hour not chosen by me and still I recognized what I would do next. Nurse, of course! And then I changed out of my clothes, ate breakfast with my family, put the baby to sleep and read. I took a walk, wrote this post, nursed, ate, nursed, put baby to sleep, nursed, ate, read some more, listened to music, listened to podcasts. I don't know my daily schedule. But I know the new elements of my day. That's a lot that I can count on. My new activities are becoming familiar and I am getting to know my steady companion.
Recognition of the familiar is a great source of comfort. My days are not well-planned and full of past routines. A new norm is emerging. It is grounded in little rituals and simple practices of basic daily sustenance -- sleep, eat, nurse, bathe, walk, read, talk to a friend and mom. So precious!